Baby, It's Cold Outside
by jewishbensolo
Summary: 2016 Royed Christmas present for sassyfirealchemist. Edward Elric is kinda tired of family members asking about his love life during the holidays? His solution? Ask his friend with benefits Roy Mustang to be his fake boyfriend.
1. Chapter 1

**_This is a story for the 2016 Christmas Royed Fic Exchange that I did. This is a gift for use YourSassyTeacher (or sassyfirealchemist on tumblr)._**

 **Summary:** _2016 Royed Christmas present for_ sassyfirealchemist _. Edward Elric is kinda tired of family members asking about his love life during the holidays? His solution? Ask his friend with benefits Roy Mustang to be his fake boyfriend._

"Hi, Ed. Granny was wondering if you were bringing anyone home for Christmas this year?" Winry asked over the phone one day while Ed was at Roy Mustang's place, just post-coital.

Ed grimaced. Every time this season Winry would call to ask if Ed would bring someone home. Being single, the answer was always a resounding no. However, despite this, both Granny Pinako and Winry never failed to ask about his love life, or lack thereof. But this time Ed wasn't having any of it.

"Hey, Win. Yes, actually, this year I am bringing someone home."

"Who is it?" Winry screamed, forcing Ed to pull the phone from his ear and wince.

"You'll see when I come down to Risembool next week, I promise," he assured her.

"Ok. Well, can't wait. Hard to believe you finally found someone!" Winry said excitedly.

"Thanks for the confidence in me, Win," Ed said sarcastically.

"I didn't mean it like that, Ed."

"I know, just pulling your leg. Anyway, got to go. Love you. Bye," Ed said.

"Bye, Ed." They hung up.

Ed resumed what he had been doing before Winry interrupted him-getting dressed.

"Who will you be bringing home to your family, Edward?" Roy asked curiously. He wasn't jealous; they were only fuckbuddies and either of them were free to see any peron they choose, since their relationship wasn't exactly exclusive.

Ed blushed. "Well, I was thinking it was gonna be you, Roy," Ed told him.

Roy's eyes widened in shock. "But we're not dating, Ed," Roy protested.

Ed rolled his eyes. "I'm aware of that, idiot. But they don't have to know that."

"Ed. What...exactly are you proposing?"

"I want you to be my 'boyfriend' for the holidays," Ed stated plainly.


	2. Chapter 2

Roy stared at Edward for a full minute.

"What?" Ed asked, scowling.

"You really need to lay off the romcoms, Ed," Roy said, chuckling. He didn't bother to put on a shirt. "They'll clearly having a bad influence on you."

"I'm being serious, Roy," Ed snapped. "If you pretend to be my date for the holidays-not forever, just until after New Year's-they'll finally lay off me.'

"Why don't you (and I know this is a crazy idea) talk to them about it like an adult?" Roy suggested, making Ed roll his golden eyes.

"I've tried. They pester me anyway," Ed told him brusquely.

"So the only option is to lie your ass off," Roy deadpanned.

"When you put it like that...no. Besides, technically, we are together. So it's not really lying," Ed reasoned.

"We're casual fuckbuddies."

"Yeah, so we only have to fake the being-madly-in-love thing," Ed said.

"You're crazy," Roy told him.

"You're just startin' to notice that?" Ed snarked.

"This'll never work," Roy protested.

"Oh, she of little faith. Of course it will. Look, it won't be for long. Just until January 5th."

"That's three weeks from now!"

Ed again rolled his eyes. "At least consider the idea, okay, Roy? Call me when you make up your mind."

"Fine," Roy sighed.

Thus, Ed went home, anticipating his sex partner's answer.

 _ **One day later...**_

Ed picked up the phone. "Hey, Roy," he said. "Did you consider my proposal?"

"Yes," Roy sighed, sounding defeated. "My answer is yes. But please come over so I can lay over some ground rules."

Ed grinned. "Will do."

"I will relax my no-kissing rule in the presence of your family and friends," Roy began, practically the moment Ed walked-no, ran was the better word-through the door, after nearly getting into a car crash speeding to Roy's apartment. "Obviously, they would expect us to be affectionate toward each other, so we will behave as such."

Ed nodded.

"We will sleep in separate hotel rooms. Should they come to us in the hotel, one of us will pretend to stay in the same room as the other until they leave," Roy continued. "That way, we can still maintain our no-sleeping-together rule."

"Got it. Is that all?"

Roy nodded. "For now. May I ask when we leave for Risembool?" he asked.

"A week from now."

"Great," Roy said. "Plenty time to mentally prepare myself."


	3. Chapter 3

They met on Grindr, when Ed was twenty and Roy was thirty-four. They had both just gotten out of long-term relationships. Ed and Winry had mutually broken up, deciding that they worked better as best friends than as lovers. Roy, on the other hand, came to terms with being gay and had amicably split with his high school sweetheart, Riza Hawkeye. Neither were particularly ready to jump into yet another serious relationship.

At first they were...apprehensive about one another. Roy seemed to Edward to be an arrogant know-it-all who liked to rely on his good-looks (though Ed grudgingly admitted that he was relatively handsome). Roy thought Ed was an insufferable brat who blatantly lied about his age on his profile (he had put 5'4" on his profile, but it was abundantly obvious he was 4'9" maximum, and only when he wore platform shoes).

When they met offline at a Starbucks, things didn't go much better. They bickered like an old married couple over the smallest of things. A fight nearly broke out when Roy made an offhand remark about Ed's height, or lack thereof. It was a wonder the two made it to bed together.

When they did, though, it was like magic. It seemed their bodies fit together perfectly and they were so in sync with one another. Roy was, for the most part, the dominant partner, to which Ed protested quite vehemently at first, but was persuaded surprisingly easily.

They found they had both enjoyed exploring their sexualities together. Roy discovered he loved Ed's hair down so he could pull it and seeing Ed in a very tiny miniskirt (with nothing underneath, of course). Ed, despite initial misgivings, really enjoyed Roy dominating him and what's more, especially relished in trying to take back the control Roy had claimed and ultimately failing.

That was how things went for a while, with them fightling like cats and dogs and only were civil to one another when they were fucking. The only time Ed called Roy by his given name was in the heat of the moment, when Edward was being pushed over the brink and came hard-otherwise, Roy was either bastard, or, if Ed was feeling particularly charitable that day, Mustang.

Roy was the more reasonable of the pair, though every once in a while, he couldn't resist making a quip referencing Ed's being short, even if it meant having to dodge the inevitable kicks and punches the younger would send his way.

Eventually, though, they did learn to find some non-sexual common ground, and that improved their relationship by leaps and bounds.

When their sexual relationship started, they had agreed on some ground rules.

 **Rule Number One:** No kissing or holding hands. "It's too intimate," Roy explained. "You don't kiss or hold hands with your fuck buddy."

 **Rule Number Two:** No sleeping over. This rule was only brought up after they first slept together. It was awkward waking up naked in bed together after a night of fucking. Also, Ed was a bitch to wake up.

 **Rule Number Three:** No cuddling. 'Nuff said. They weren't a couple, they weren't going to pretend like they were just 'cos they had amazing sex.

 **Rule Number Four:** Communicate properly. Just because they weren't romantically involved, doesn't mean either of them were allowed to shirk on talking things out like a goddamn adult. If Ed didn't like what Roy was doing sexually, he was expected to tell him. If Roy had a problem with Ed's behavior, he was to share his thoughts. This was the second most important rule, after Rule No. 6.

 **Rule Number Five:** Yes, they fucked regularly. But as much time as they spent in bed, it was important they kept their friendship up, too.

 **Rule Number Six:** Practice safe sex. They were by no means exclusive or monogamous, and therefore, to protect both of their healths, they were to always wear condoms and regularly get tested. It just happened to work out, though, that they didn't have any other partner besides each other, but still. Gotta keep all bases covered.


End file.
